When should you Drink Coke and when should you Drink Pepsi

Living in Atlanta, it is patently obvious that there is NO occasion when one should drink Pepsi. All good, god-fearing Americans are Coca-Cola drinkers. Around these parts, we start drinking the mighty Coke from an early age. Seeing a youngster wandering around in a fresh white diaper and taking a slug of the dark drink from his bottle is as much as part of the landscape around here as is the Kudzu that covers our magnolia trees.

We also know that only communist soccer-lovers would ever drink that other brand. I’m not even sure how I’d even get my hands on any of the Pepsi stuff to begin with. Sure as heck you couldn’t order it at a restaurant around here. Maybe you could go to an all night grocery store and hope nobody saw you buying the stuff, but why would anyone take that kind of risk? I can just see myself getting caught with a bottle of Pepsi by my family. Trying to explain to my mom that I was just curious – the sobbing and yelling – nope, don’t need that kind of drama in my life.

I’ll just close by quoting my mom’s favorite sayings, most of which are also stuck to the back bumper of our car: support our troops, Jesus loves you, Say no to drugs, and drink Coca-Cola (we don’t have a sticker for that yet).